you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
