Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
