Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
