M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize