mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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