i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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