I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What a dumb baby whore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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