So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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