One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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