Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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