tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
