The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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