You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
