so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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