maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
