I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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