So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
