Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
