u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
