dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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