She's JV to your varsity
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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