she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
