At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize