eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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