Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize