The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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