Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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