can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
