I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
