UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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