the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
