You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
