from now on my penis is your penis
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
