Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
