i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
