After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
