My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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