This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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