strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
