Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
