Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bring me that man meat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
