i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
