Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
