Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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