covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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