Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
