Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
