I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She even gives head with a lisp.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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