i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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