I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
