i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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