I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
