Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
