It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
