Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
