I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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