Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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