Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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