How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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