there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
