Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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