apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just cropdusted the office
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
