id be glad to
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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