hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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