Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
