She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
