At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
