I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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