i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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