I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
