you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come on in and take your pants off
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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