dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
