I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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