he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
