Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Green mimosas i think yes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
