just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
