Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
