your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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